My Rock

For some brief history to this blog. My husband and I started dating September of 2002. We were inseparable. We got engaged in September 2004, and Married February 5th, 2005. When we got married I instantly wanted to get pregnant. Aeron on the other hand, wanted to wait. I had baby fever like no ones business. That was tough not being on the same page. Aeron was the only child (until his mom remarried and he gaines 2 step siblings) he just wasn't ready to be a dad.

Fast forward to when Aeron turned 30. He started getting a itch to have a baby. At that time we hadn't started any testing but since we were without birth control all that time, I had a gut feeling something wasn't right.

Since we have really gotten started with testing and actual treatment, Aeron has always been positive. He has always said we will do whatever we have to do to have a family. I am very blessed with that because men often feel many emotions either against treatment, or against adoption. Aeron's outlook has always been that he was will to do whatever.

At this point we both have baby fever, mine of course is a little bit more predominant.We talk about names, walk thru the baby gear at Target, and dream about this little baby together. He comes to almost every doctor appointment. He held my hand and let me squeeze during the IUI, and he even filmed it (not from the dirty angle, but just the experience).

 He is gonna make an awesome dad for sure!!

Yesterday I had a little breakdown, because this 2WW has already got me going crazy. Aeron is convinced that this worked and I am pregnant. It makes me feel good that he has so much hope. I am trying not to get to excited but I just have this feeling. A good one. We still have 14 days to go before we can know.

 I know I have said it before, but I couldn't imagine being on this journey with anyone else. Aeron is really my rock in every aspect of my life, and I am beyond blessed to have him.

Prayers, Faith, and Miracles

I knew this 2 WW would be hard, but I didn't think it would be this hard.

I like to be in control of everything, I am a planner. For sure this whole experience for the past 7 years has made me realize I'm not always in control. Now it's truly a time I can reflect. I believe god put me in this position for a reason. God brought me to a new job with infertility coverage, brought me to job where it was the same parking lot as Genetics and IVF Institute so it would be convenient, God prepared my body by allowing the follicles to grow, and for me to respond to the clomid, and even to begin to ovulate on my own. Then finally, God made sure Aeron's sample was awesome. Now there is only my faith to get me through the next 2 weeks, no more meds I can take, no more monitoring, no more procedures. God has to work the final magic, and I must have faith.

It's hard though not to get too excited, not to vision that positive test for once. I have to prepare that it may take more than once. We had very good IUI, especially for our first one.

 I am not jealous of people who have children, because I know in my heart Aeron and I will become parents, but I am a little jealous that people.....just find out their pregnant. They don't need to worry about how big the follicles are or how much sperm their husband produces. I know for a fact this walk together has my husband and I stronger, and I also know this has made us realize what a miracle this whole process really is. Once we have a baby, these lessons will make us all the better parents.

Please keep praying that everything does what it's supposed to do, and it sticks!

2ww Starts now

IUI#1 was today. The nurse said things couldn't have been more perfect. We will see. I am really trying not to get my hopes up to high. I know it may take a few. I get to test on 6/14/13. Please keep praying! For some reason, I have the best feeling.

The IUI, not gonna lie. HURT. Not like I couldn't handle it, kinda like I just wanted to kick my nurse in the face. I could do it 100000 times if it meant me having a baby. The procedure only took about 10mins. We confirmed my hosp bracelet I was who I said I was, and that I get the correct sperm. Aeron recorded it, and held my hand the whole time. After it was over I laid there for about 20mins. One of the best moments in our marriage by far. We held both hands, I bawled my eyes out because I just felt like such a relief. Such a surreal moment we actually made it this far!

So here's the numbers:
I had 3 follies ready.
I started ovulating on my own. The DR could confirm I was ovulating.
Aeron's postwash was: 65million (GREAT NUMBERS)

So now we wait and pray.

He shot me

Aeron just shot me up! Lots of fun. It actually wasn't bad at all. I think Aeron enjoyed his role. 

Change of Plans

One of many things I am learning is......my body is in control. I have no say so, and you know me....I am not ok with that. In this situation though I am excited.

Got a call from the doc.
I am already surging on my own (about to ovulate on my own), and they have bumped up the IUI to tomorrow at 11am. Aeron has to be there at 9:30am. This is extremely good news that my body was about to do it on it's own. I haven't ovulated on my own in years most likely. So tonight as soon as I get home I will trigger!!

Holy CRAP!

Below is a message from my eggs to Aeron's sperm..........

Pull the Trigger

Good News! We have 3 follicles ready to go (21mm, 20mm, 16mm)

My lining of my uterus is 12mm, which is perfecto to support a pregnancy because it's supposed to be anywhere from 7mm-20mm so woohoo go uterus! If I had to picture my uterus right now it would look like the picture below, it's got a big smile for doing such a good job lol.

That's crazy someone actually makes these, and sells them.

Today is CD 16.

I am still waiting on the official call from the Doc, but they already said I am to do my Trigger Shot TONIGHT. We are doing the IUI, Thursday. Holy Crap. 

I know there is no guarantee, but I have to have a little hope or there wouldn't be a point in me doing this. Plus we have so many people praying, I can feel all the positive energy!

I will definitely post the video of the trigger shot tonight. I have a feeling it's gonna be a real hoot!

Follie Update CD15

Today is cycle day 15. We have been to monitoring Friday, Sunday, and today.  Below are my follie sizes.

Friday cd12-12mm and 13mm
Sat cd13-No monitoring
Sunday cd14-16mm and 17mm
Monday cd15-20mm and a new 13mm, and the other one was hiding or something but they assume that one is also near 20mm as well.

On Saturday my friend Sharese came with Aeron and I. Today my mom came with Aeron and I. We are blessed to have everyone so interested in everything that is going on with us.

We went to a cookout on Sunday with some of my oldest friends. It was so nice to have them around during this time. Most of them are people I have known since I was in 4th grade. Those girls who know too much, so they have to stay friends. Just kidding...sorta. It was just comforting being with them and having lots of laughs. 

Tomorrow I will have one more monitoring session. Then most likely I will trigger tomorrow night. EEEKKKK. The IUI will most likely be on Thursday! Woohoo!

Thank you for all of your prayers, and support it is truly appreciated.

Below is a picture of us from this weekend at the lake.

IUI #1 Monitoring Day #1

Ok everyone please meet little Jack (biggest out of the two, so this follicle gets a boys name). I had two good follies. I had others but they weren't as big as the two good ones. I had one that was 14mm and one that 12mm. They need to keep growing in order to become mature enough to be released (18mm-20mm). But that's why it's called monitoring! YAY! I feel so much better now. I should get a call this afternoon to let me know what the next step is!

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the day of my first monitoring appointment. At this point pretty much everyone knows we are doing treatment. The last to find out was my father in law. He is excited, which is a relief. I want to say THANK YOU again for everyone who is praying for us. What a blessing.

I am very nervous about tomorrow so I am going to list some of my concerns.

-What if I have already ovulated?
-What if I responded too well to the Clomid, and I over stimulated?
-What if I didn't respond at all to the Clomid?

Those are my biggest worries at this point. Any of the above situations would cause for this cycle to be cancelled.

However, I have been taking care of myself to hopefully avoid any of those issues. Below are things I have done. Some may sound silly, oh well I read it and it's worth trying it!

-Put a heating pad on my lower stomach, they say heat helps the follies grow.
-Put my legs up on the wall for 20mins to increase blood flow to the uterus.
-Eating right
-Resting a lot
-Taking prenatal vitamins
-Taking metformin every night
-I took Clomid everyday at the same time. 

So many people are saying they have great vibes, and high hopes. I just PRAY PRAY PRAY we are blessed with a baby!

Grow Follicles, Grow!

Where am I at right now in IUI cycle #1?

I am on CD 9, and that means this is the last dosage of Clomid for this cycle. Woohoo. I haven't slept much at night due to hot flashes. I have hot flashes basically all day. I haven't had as many emotional up's and down's this time on Clomid, which is good. I have been having some killer headaches, but I don't know if it's from the pollen or the meds.

Tomorrow and Thursday I get the day off from all meds. But I won't forget what I have on the schedule for this weekend. It's OPERATION GET PREGNANT MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND! I am really excited, and really nervous. I have never been so happy to have a 3 day weekend in my life.

Right now my body is growing the egg(s) in the follicles, What are follicles you ask?
Prior to ovulation, follicles help in the process of an egg becoming mature. At ovulation, a follicle will rupture to release a mature egg in hopes of becoming fertilized, after which it helps in the early stages of supporting a pregnancy. 

Grow follies Grow! The suspense is exciting, this is the closest we have ever come!

Here's the fun fact of the day!

We are blessed

This week really has me reflecting about how much we are truly blessed. Yes we want to have a baby, BAD, but I think you have also be thankful for what you have first.

First and foremost Our Marriage. God truly blessed me with such a gentle soul for a husband. I have had a lot of hardships, and heartbreaks in life. Thankfully my husband has always picked me up with his encouraging words and calm advice. We are complete opposites in personality, but that works for us. He is my best friend, and the love of my life. God gave me you.

Secondly, our family. Our families have been incredibly supportive of our pregnancy hopes. It's hard for all of us not to buy baby stuff. It's nice to know we have everyone praying for us, and we have people who love us, and already love Baby Hess even though he/she isn't even made yet!

Last but not least, our friends. I have some friends who give me encouragement on facebook. People I know, and I might not see all the time but these people are still praying for us, and thinking of us. I can't tell you how much that means to us. We are truly blessed with also a close group of friends. The friends that want to know about every doctor appointment, every blood draw, ones who are just as excited as we are. Thank you for letting me vent, bitch, and cry about sitting next to a pregnant girl at a wedding, Thank you to those friends who always look at baby stuff with me at Target. Thank you to our friends who allow me to be close with their kids, and watch them grow into little people.

I hope this is it for us. I am done going down this unknown road. Please continue to pray for us. We will continue to be Thankful for each of you.

Day 5 Is Here

Today is day 5 of my cycle, usually day 5 is when I am happiest because that means my period is over. Today it's different, I feel excited, overjoyed, and nervous to be taking the next step in this cycle. I start CLOMID today! I take 2 pills (50mg each) per day for 5 days. So that means Cycle days 5-9. Then I will have Weds and Thursday off. Next weekend I will most likely go to monitoring Friday and Sat, with my IUI hopefully happening Sunday. I really hope this is a good experience because my husband will be off work and we won't feel rushed through the procedure.

What is Clomid: Clomid is an oral medication that can be used to stimulate ovulation. It works by blocking estrogen receptors at the hypothalamus, which is an important "hormonal control center" for the body. When this happens, the hypothalamus is stimulated to release follicle stimulating hormone (FSH), and luteinizing hormone (LH). These are the naturally occurring ovarian stimulants, which prompt ovulation in a normal cycle.

I have taken Clomid a few times before, and I tend to get very irritable. So good luck to all my besties who get to be around me this weekend! 

Suprise! Your body is in control!

Last time I posted, Friday I think. I talked about we were cleared for our IUI and I could start on my next cycle. Well I thought it would be a few weeks since I was only on CD16. But no, my body had another plan. I started spotting Mother's Day. For once not depressed about getting my period on Mother's Day, because I knew it was what needed to happen in order for us to take our next step in this journey. We are very excited. So for right now the plan is:
-Friday 5/17/13 Start taking Clomid 100mg for CD 5-9
-Friday 5/24/13 I go for our first monitoring on CD 12

That's all we know so far. This was certainly a surprise, I wasn't expecting to get started for another 2 weeks at least. This just goes to show you are not in control. So I am going with the flow. 

IUI-The Explanation

For sake of explaining this 100,000,000 times. Here is a video of the procedure we are hoping will help us conceive our baby.

IUI on the Horizon

Yesterday evening I had a call with Dr. K. She said all of our tests came back great, and so did Aeron's. His SA improved from the 2 before, and of course we are over the moon about that.
Count: 44 million per mil (needed to be at least 20 million)
Motility: 70% (needed to be at least 40%)
Morphology: 9% (which is good)

So we are really excited. The Dr. said we are good candidates for IUI, and basically we can start whenever I feel comfortable. So either I can start provera to get cycle, or give it a few weeks to see if I can do it on my own. I think we will give it a few weeks, and then if it doesn't come I will take Provera and get this ball rolling.

I hope everyone has a nice relaxing weekend!

Ode To The Mother In Waiting

I found this on another blog, and thought it was beautiful. Too beautiful, not to share. With Mother's Day approaching fast those of us on the IF Journey need to remember this. 

 Ode To The Mother In Waiting

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,
explore,
and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

Partial Test Results

So far, So good. I got my day 3 blood work back and all was normal. That is a really good thing because if it wasn't it could mean scary things like diminished ovarian reserve or a tumor in my pituitary gland in my brain. Whewwww.

Aeron's preliminary SA results are in. We are still waiting on the morphology, they said that takes the longest. Right now we know it was 44 million per milliliter (they like to see at least 20mil) and 70% motility, which is also great!

I have a phone meeting with Dr. K next Thursday evening, to find out the next steps!

So good news for the weekend!

Happy Hump Day

Aeron and I celebrated "Hump Day" a little different than we usually do. We went for Aeron's 3rd SA. This was his first at GIVF. He is also got blood work done. So we will see what happens now once we get back his results. This is pretty much our last test until we get to officially start! Woohoo!