Friday, May 9, 2014

Work In Progress

By popular demand the blog is back in action. This post is titled a work in progress because of where I am and who I am right now is just that. This blog will be shifting focus for a few months because I have ONE IUI left, and well I am saving that. I have been praying about it, and I believe god will let me know the perfect time to go for my last one.....last infertility treatment of any kind for a while.

During my hiatus from the blog Aeron and I have found a church to call home THE LIFE CHURCH. We love the building, music, word, and the people. I shifted focus from what I don't have, to what I do have. On this infertility journey so many times I have found myself jealous, angry, and unsure about god's plan for me. Recently, God has put a message on my heart to not be worried, because I will be someone's mother. The other part as to how and when is part of my story that hasn't been told yet. Also during this 6 months of change, not only have we gotten deeper in our faith, but made new rewarding friendships, strengthened some old ones, and Aeron even got a new job. It's really amazing where Jesus leads you, when you are faithful. One of my favorite songs right now is by Hillsong United; called Oceans (where my feet may fail) and it says something I truly believe and it describes how the last 6 months have been for me.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

What you can expect to be additional content discussed on this blog going forward (aside from my pointless ramblings) will be my weight loss journey. I have finally gotten serious! I guess this sort of ties into my infertility and PCOS journey. I am determined to loose weight this time. My goal amount of weight to loose is 140lbs. I have cut out all soda! That's right, no Sprite (I cut out caffeine 4 years ago). I am also working out almost daily. I am apart of a great facebook group of women who are very encouraging, and we are doing this together! I also try to clean eat, as much as possible. I will be posting my first before and after picture when I hit my first goal, so if your new here, and fat people scare you this isn't the blog for you.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Still Waiting for my AF

I am still waiting to get my period. I am on my last day of Provera (Thankfully). So now within about 10 days my period should be here. In the meantime I found this really awesome post from another blogger and I couldn't agree more, she hit it out of the park with her blog.

9 Things Infertile Women Want Women with Children To Know

1.) I'll just come out and say it... we are jealous of you.

Please know that we in no way hate you for being able to bear children and would never wish this hurt we feel on our worst enemy. But there's no use in denying it... infertile women are jealous of women with children. We see the connection, the love, and the amazing bond that you have with them. We see the joy they bring to your life every day and we want that for ourselves more than anything. We would give up everything for it, spend our last dime to get it, and die to know what it's like. We aren't mad that you're happy... we just want some of that happiness too. So there... now you know. Ok, let's not kid ourselves - you already knew, but now it's out in the open so we call all stop pretending we can't see the green monsters sitting on the shoulders of all the infertiles. LOL!  :)

2.) Cards, emails, words of kindness, and caring acts are appreciated more than you know.

Infertility breeds tons of self-esteem issues, insecurity, and feelings of being on "the outside". One little handwritten note, text, or thoughtful action could make our entire week. Mother's Day is an especially hard time for women who want to, but are physically unable to become a mother. I will NEVER forget the handful of friends that sent me a message this year on that day. I went from feeling extremely depressed to feeling overwhelmingly encouraged and touched that someone was actually thinking about me and took the time to let me know. Though Mother's Day is one of the more difficult days for childless women, infertility is always looming no matter what day it is. One simple thought could brighten one of those days.

3.) Don't take it personally if we decline a baby shower invitation.

Honestly, our not being in attendance is doing everyone a favor! Seriously... do you really want us to look sad the entire time and risk a sudden outburst of tears? Nah... I think not. You're safer to accept the fact that we are truly happy for the lucky lady, but don't want to ruin her special day by being a gloomy guest.

*NOTE: Personally, I do ok at showers. However, I have talked to many ladies that don't handle these types of events as well. This point is for them.

4.) We are constantly hurting.

I'm sure that sounds like an overstatement to someone who hasn't been in our shoes. For those that have, you know EXACTLY what I mean and can probably still feel that bitter pain every time you think about that time in your life. Things the average person would never think about add to our hurt every day. Something as simple as a commercial about diapers with a baby crawling across the floor or seeing a mama out with her little ones or even just walking by the baby clothes in Target are all daily reminders of what we are missing. It feels like a huge knife is stuck in your chest and every time you are reminded of your emptiness that knife gets pushed deeper and deeper. The pain, though less intense at times, never goes away.

5.) Telling us to "just adopt" doesn't help.

Adoption will never erase the pain of infertility. It is definitely something that most infertile couples consider, but the desire to bear your own children won't just disappear by adopting. Then there's the money aspect. Here is my response to that... "Sure! After we have spent thousands on infertility treatments let me just pull out that extra $25k that I have stashed under my mattress and 'just' go adopt!" NOT. I won't go into greater detail about that, but financially, legally, and emotionally it's really not an easy fix as some might have been led to believe.

6.) We still want to be friends with you even though you have kids. 

I understand it can be awkward at times. You might feel bad about inviting a couple dealing with infertility to an event involving your kids or a birthday party for a child. Yes, There are times where we will decline the invitation when we may feel emotionally unable to be in that environment, but please don't assume that we never want to attend if your kids are present. We already feel isolated because of our circumstances... please don't add to that by excluding us from your lives because you're worried about us feeling uncomfortable.

7.) Please don't give us advice on how to get pregnant. Believe me, we've already read, heard, and tried it all!

We do understand that you are sincerely trying to help, but more than likely everything you say to us we have already tried (and more!). We have heard every story, researched every option, and we really don't want to hear about how your cousin's best friend's sister-in-law knew a girl that tried such and such and magically conceived. That's great for them, but we aren't that girl and you probably don't know the details of her situation or ours. I'm sure that sounds hateful... you might be able to tell that I've heard one too many words of advice from people who have no idea what is medically wrong with me.

8.) Understand that we can't empathize with you when you complain about pregnancy or your children.

I think part of the "infertility rite of passage" is making a promise to God and/or yourself that you will try as hard as you can to NEVER complain about pregnancy or your children if that day ever comes. In fact, I would wager that 99% of the women affected by infertility will know exactly what I mean when I say that hearing someone complain about morning sickness, lost sleep, or whiney kids can literally make you cringe inside. When you wait, hope, pray, and shed countless tears as we have you simply can't relate to women that take the miracles they have for granted. We would gladly trade your worst day with children for our best day without them. 

9.) We covet your prayers. 

I personally feel this is the most important thing that you can do to help and encourage us. There can never be enough prayers going up for women and couples dealing with infertility. Not sure how to pray? Pray for our emotional and physical state and for our faith in God to stay strong. We are dealing with the reality of possibly never being able to have a family, with the physical problems associated with the cause of our infertility, and are on a constant emotional roller coaster month after month as we continue to try to conceive. In addition to all of that, most infertile couples are dealing with extreme financial stress since insurance does not pay for ANYTHING related to infertility. All of those things can be taxing on our relationship with God so prayers for our spiritual well being are welcomed as well. I came across Galations 6:2 while writing this post this week. Don't you love it when God says things so simply, but perfectly?!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

IUI #3 Getting Started

So yes I have been MIA again. But this time it was for a good reason. Vacation and rebounding from vacation.

Me and my lova (aka hubby)
 Southern Most Point in Key West
 Our Resort
 Southern most point in Key West
 Angela and I at the Dolphin show.
 Glass bottom boat ride. Made me really sick but it was very cool. Molasses Reef.
 Wilbur the seal, he was awesome!
 My friend Angela and I (the boys on the back). Late night drunken golf carting.

Now that I am back, we are getting started again on IUI#3. I am started my Provera and once cycle day 1 starts, we are going for it!! I will update you all very soon. Praying this is lucky #3. 

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Time Out

I know some people are following our journey. Especially our close family and friends, who at times feel like it's happening to them. : ) We are officially taking a break this cycle (from IUI). Last blog I was really fighting with myself to make a decision. I am happy with my decision, but this won't stop us from "trying" : ) have no worries. I am actually kind of curious if I will ovulate on my own. My nurse assured me that this break will not cause any damage to our flow of cycles.

Once we get back from vacation in Key Largo and I get my cycle, we will be right back on the trail to IUI#3, and if you haven't noticed it goes quick. Here we are already number 3. Only 3 more covered on my insurance after this one.

I think this will give me some much needed relaxation without having to worry and hold myself back from doing some awesome things on vacation, because of course if I know there is a chance I could be pregnant I treat myself differently.

So I will be sure to update everyone about our vacation when we get back!

Below is a picture of us from the 4th of July (kinda blurry) but cute

Friday, July 12, 2013

Try Again

Ok so this time was another bust. It's not been confirmed by AF yet, but by two tests. So anyways I am just waiting for it to come so I can call my doc, and get the info. This time I feel kinda numb. It just didn't happen this time. I even considered taking a month off. Then I thought about it, that another month away from possibly meeting my baby.

I called my nurse to tell her that I was pretty sure that my AF was it's way. I asked her a million questions as to why this hasn't worked the past two times. She is THE BEST NURSE EVER. The way she explained it was great. Every month a normal healthy couple only have a 10%-20% chance of getting pregnant. With the treatment it put us into those statistics because we know there are eggs, my hormones are right, I am ovulating, and Aeron's numbers are great. She said I need to think about it as we have only tried for 2 months. So now after her pep talk, I am anxious to get started again. No feeling sorry for myself, just ready to move on and hopefully I can get my IUI done before vacation!

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Just a plain old update

Well hello everyone. I hope everyone had a nice holiday! The few days off really helped for the first week of the 2ww to fly by. I have done way better this time, I have been just living my life normally. Last time I acted as if I was 7 months pregnant, and that got me no where so we will try this approach.

My gut feeling is this didn't work this time. I have had not even one symptom, nothing from the trigger shot, no cramping, nada. But also like I said I have barely paid any attention this time. We will see this weekend if my AF doesn't come before then.

In other great news we are going to Key Largo Fl with our friends on Aug 2nd-Aug 10th. Aeron my dh has never flown so we will see how he does. I am used to him being the strong one so I am really hoping he can hold it together for both of us lol. We are so very appreciative to our friends for inviting us on this vacation. Also our other friends Christy and Donald invited us on their vacation too. Unfortunately the vacation dates lap each other slightly so there has been issues with that, however we are so very appreciative for the generosity of our friends who know and see we need some relaxation!

I will update the blog when we know this weekend if we got a BFP or if we are moving onto IUI#3!

Monday, July 1, 2013


So on Sat I had IUI #2. The nurse for some reason couldn't get the speculum in the right spot to work with my cervix. She tried like 4 times. OUCH. So then they had another nurse come in and see if maybe my bladder was too full. Which it was full, but not too full. So then they called the doctor in to take over the IUI. Well the cool thing was this time they kept the sonogram going so we could actually see the catheter go in, and release the sperm. Pretty cool to see despite the issues. Lots of cramping the rest of the day from the side of my large follie so I am hoping that meant something good was going on. One of my best friends Christy got to come with us and that too was awesome. Hopefully she witnessed either her little niece or nephew being created. Aeron was in rare form, and was being silly. I am trying to stay uber calm this time, and just go about my life. Let's see if this approach works. Really excited for the 4th, gonna have friends and family over. It will be an awesome time! Below is a pic of me showing off my hospital bracelet right before we got started.